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I once heard Tom Elliff describe how he and his wife, Jeannie, get away for a private retreat every year. Once, while sharing a meal in an intimate restaurant, Tom asked Jeannie these questions – he wanted to listen to his wife’s words and hear from her heart.

He said, “you must promise to answer them honestly. I want to know your heart.”

I’ve asked Ruthe these questions several times over the years. The answers can be surprising, even painful, but ultimately, they make me a better friend and lover.

1. What could I do to cause you to feel more loved?

2. What could I do to cause you to feel more respected?

3. What could I do to cause you to feel more understood?

4. What could I do to cause you to feel more secure?

5. What could I do to cause you to feel more confident in our future direction?

6. What attribute would you most like me to develop?

7. What attribute would you like me to help you develop in yourself?

8. What achievement in my life would bring you greatest joy?

9. What would indicate to you that I really desire to be more Christ-like?

10. What mutual goal would you like us to accomplish?

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One Comment

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    I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on.

    Any recommendations?


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